Autonomy promotion, responsiveness, and emotion regulation promote effective social support in times of stress

• Attachment theory provides guidance for providing helpful social support in relationships.
• It may be more beneficial to facilitate autonomy than to comfort or provide solace.
• Support is more effective when it is provided in a context of responsiveness.
• Emotion regulation plays an important role in effective social support transactions.

Adult attachment theory provides guidance for providing optimal social support in intimate relationships. According to attachment theory, facilitating autonomy (secure base support) sometimes is more important than providing nurturance (safe haven support). In addition, it is important that couples celebrate one another's triumphs and successes (another form of secure base support). A key construct that explains the development of attachment is responsiveness to the individual's needs. Support that is delivered in a responsive manner (i.e., that leads the individual to feel understood, validated, and cared for) is more likely to enhance the relationship and less likely to damage self-esteem than assistance that is not responsive. A responsive exchange is more likely if emotion dysregulation can be prevented. Attachment theory offers explanations for why people vary in their effectiveness at emotion regulation. Appropriate emotion regulation is more likely if disclosures of current difficulties can be made in a way that is not defensive or accusatory, an ability that varies as a function of attachment orientation. Attachment theory also offers guidance regarding the optimal forms of social support for specific individuals. All these insights from adult attachment theory can be integrated into interventions to help couples become more effective support providers.

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