‘It's a bit too much fathering this seed’: the meaning-making of the sperm donor in Italian lesbian mother families

•We explored how Italian lesbian mother families deal with third-party reproduction.•No mother considered the sperm donor as the father of her child.•The sperm donor was experienced as an entity, as a medical process, and as a person.•Images of the donor as a ghost, as a place, and as a kind man lie beneath meanings.•Genetic and non-genetic mothers constructed shared meanings of the donor.

How do female-partnered mothers deal with the third-party involved in their reproductive arrangement? The aim of this study is to identify the meaning-making of the sperm donor, exploring different patterns between genetic and non-genetic mothers, as well as between open-identity and anonymous donation. Semi-structured interviews were conducted with 24 Italian female-partnered mothers, who at the time of data collection had at least one donor-conceived child. Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis was performed to identify emergent themes. None of the mothers considered the donor as the father of their child. Three patterns of thoughts and feelings recurred: ‘donor as an entity’, ‘donor as a medical process’, ‘donor as a person’. Genetic and non-genetic mothers constructed shared meanings regarding the donor. Mothers who opted for anonymous donors were more likely to describe the donor as an entity and as a medical process compared with mothers who opted for open-identity donors. Different images of the donor lay beneath each meaning: respectively, donor as a ghost, donor as a place, donor as a kind man. Findings offer important insights for healthcare providers working in fertility clinics. They further suggest the most appropriate terms for third-party reproduction and specific psychological counselling needs of prospective female-partnered mothers.

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