Plenary address – A year of living ‘dangerously’: Reflections on risk, trust, trauma and change

This paper examines the role of emotions in the construction and performance of mis/trustful relations; with medical professionals, their technologies, and ultimately, with oneself. Using personal experience of two common conditions as illustrative examples, it questions what it means and feels like to trust, and how, where and by whom such feelings can be enhanced or undermined. It explores some of the ways in which discourses of risk are mobilized and embodied to create a crisis of trust, asking; what kind of selves and emotionalities surface, and what are the health outcomes, when bodies are viewed as ‘at risk’? Visualizing technologies that probe the interior for data play an increasingly prominent role in healthcare, and are typically considered more trustworthy sources of knowledge about the body than anything that might be produced by the tech-free sensing self. However, not all (even ‘physical’) trauma can be seen or quantified, and not all information is equal. The paper reflects on the emotional dissonance that ensues when one's own perceptions and representations are at odds with those of medical experts for whom one is supposed to perform trust. It examines the feeling rules that are broken when we fail to appreciate our treatment at their hands, and asks: What happens when we resist expert author-ity by telling different stories about our embodied selves, ones that make space for emotions in contexts where they are rarely seen to count, and where only what can be measured matters?