The relations between actual similarity and experienced similarity

• Examined the relations between actual and experienced similarity in personality in three samples.
• We divide profile correlations into overall, distinctive, and normative similarity.
• Relationship between distinctive similarity and experienced similarity is weak.
• People see themselves as similar to people they rate similarly in personality.
• People see themselves as similar to individuals who are normative or desirable.

What does it mean when one person has an experience of being similar to another, and what is the relation to actual similarity in personality? We used several indices of personality similarity and tested their relations with a perceiver’s experience of similarity. Similarity in the perceiver’s and target’s self-ratings of personality was related to experienced similarity. However, distinctive similarity (beyond the level of similarity expected between randomly paired individuals) in personality showed negligible associations with experienced similarity. Experienced similarity was strongly related to similarity in perceiver’s self-ratings and their ratings of a target, and especially when that target has a personality profile that was normative or desirable. Exploratory analyses provided some indications that similarity in aspects of extraversion, agreeableness, and conscientiousness might be particularly important to the experience of being similar. The findings thus suggest that a perceiver’s experience of being similar to a target person is particularly associated with seeing the other person positively, but does not particularly indicate that one is actually much more similar to this person than chance in most circumstances unless the perceiver and target are very well-acquainted.