After all I have done for you: Self-silencing accommodations fuel women's post-rejection hostility

• We test if relationship-building efforts fuel hostility after rejection.
• We focus on self-silencing, the suppression of the self for the sake of relationships.
• Self-silencing to a prospective partner predicts post-rejection hostility for women.
• Women's self-silencing mediates the link between rejection-sensitivity and hostility.
• Self-silencing was not predictive of men's responses to rejection.

An experimental study tests if people's hostility after experiencing rejection is partly explained by the degree to which they had initially suppressed their own feelings and beliefs to please the source of rejection. This hypothesis emerges from the literatures on women's self-silencing and that on rejection-sensitivity, which has documented that rejection-sensitive women show strong responses to rejection, but are also likely to self-silence to please their partners. An online dating paradigm examined if this self-silencing drives post-rejection hostility among women. Participants were given the opportunity to read about a potential dating partner before meeting that person, and were randomly assigned to one of 3 experimental conditions that resulted in rejection from the potential date or from another dater. Self-silencing was captured as the suppression of tastes and opinions that clashed with those of the prospective partner. Self-silencing moderated the effect of rejection on hostility: Self-silencing to the prospective partner was associated with greater post-rejection hostility among women, but not men. Self-silencing to someone other than the rejecter was not predictive of hostility. Women's dispositional rejection-sensitivity predicted greater hostility after rejection, and self-silencing mediated this association. Efforts to secure acceptance through accommodation may help explain the paradoxical tendency of some people to show strong rejection-induced hostility toward those whose acceptance they have sought.