Dialoguer avec l'enfant sur la mort en rapport au présent, au passé et à l'histoire familiale

The way a child copes with his/her possible death, the way his/her parents support him/her, is linked with their present: his/her medical situation and its causes, his/her place in the family, the family situation, which includes its social and economic aspects. But it is also linked with the family history, which is often marked by past traumatic events, met by the parents or the grandparents. These events were severe illness, unending grief, immigration, dictatorship, wars, massacres or long lasting economic difficulty. Talking about the past helps to better understand the often paradoxical parents' attitudes, hostile towards the medical staff, contradictory with the child's interest, or of great distress. These discussions help the child to better understand his/her place in his/her parents' life and his/her family history, help the parents to loosen the grip of the traumatic past and to become more receptive to the child's demands, needs and questions about his/her identity, which is not only defined by his/her illness and possible death. These discussions need to be prudent and tactful, and held in a relation of confidence. If not, they could increase the traumatic effects of the past and of the present.